I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
