Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
