My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i dont even know how to be here
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
