evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
