So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
