You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
