got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
