She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
