I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
