i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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