we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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