sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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