is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
