He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
