After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
