I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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