bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let's get the cat blown out
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
