I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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