New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
