Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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