can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
