Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize