his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He passed out mid-signature
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
