She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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