But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
