the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
