Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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