I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
false alarm, still single
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize