Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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