I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
