Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
