He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
