i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
