Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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