No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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