I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize