4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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