I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
