Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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