I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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