I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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