I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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