I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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