I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
