the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize