worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
