I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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