Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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