She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
