So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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