She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
