i would punch a child for taco bell
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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