I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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