my mouth tastes like poor choices
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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