I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
