i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
