But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
