How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
