I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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