p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
