I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
