I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize