Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
