yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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