I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
