there was a trapeze. enough said
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
