I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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