The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize