Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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